October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Personally, it is also the month of our darkest loss and greatest breakthrough. This first week of October is always full of big emotions for me. Grieving my three heavenly babies, and yet celebrating my four I get to raise here. Remembering what we’ve been through at a cellular level continues to bring seasonal waves of grief. And that’s okay. I can carry the ambivalence of all my gratitude and grief side-by-side.
As many know, I am finishing a 30 day personal leave from Grace Center today. Tomorrow- I head to Summer Camp with 60 of my favorite humans to kick off my return the right way. The past month has been great. I knew it wouldn’t be a true time to unplug as I am still a mom of four- and they all still attend our church and youth group. Not to mention, I’m married to the other pastor of our ministry.
Each year, the Lord gives me a word to meditate on and learn about. It always comes paired with a scripture to discover too. In 2019, my word for the year was Generosity and the accompanying scripture was “Give away your life; you’ll find given back, but not merely given back- given back with bonus … Continue reading My 2019 Journey with Generosity
Yesterday, as I sat across the table from Brett, I welled with tears of regret as I apologized for a decade of anxiety, tension, and fear I’d caused in our home. I sought forgiveness for ways I hadn’t trusted him in our parenting partnership and owned that my grappling for control has hurt our family. … Continue reading Putting on My Oxygen Mask First
A date that once represented some of our greatest pain has been redeemed and reclaimed as a day of celebration.
Two years ago today, we purchased our first home. This was a dream we waited eleven years for. Emilia is two months old today. She was our only baby that took a while to conceive. As I reflected on these promised fulfilled today, it got me thinking about how important it is to remember our … Continue reading Remembering Breakthroughs
Yesterday, the topic of abortion came up in conversation with our two oldest children, ages ten and nine. I’ve mildly dreaded discussing this topic because our children remember two of our late miscarriages and how traumatic it was to have our babies die. I didn’t know how it would go for them to find out … Continue reading Explaining Abortion to My Kids
Years ago, I had the idea of not only regularly dating and pursuing our kids (which we do) but annually taking them on a fancy date. The kind where you get dressed up, go out to a nice sit-down restaurant and treat them to a lovely time. I do not love celebrating Valentine’s Day between … Continue reading Reasons We Date Our Children
“What can you do today to make a change to stop mass shootings?” -K. Cheney Wednesday evening, as Brett and I met with our team of youth group volunteers, we were informed that 17 people had been shot and killed that afternoon at a Florida High School. We chatted about it quickly, prayed and headed … Continue reading Mass Shootings
Ten years ago today, I woke up hung over. I had been on a nearly forty day binge of drinking to numb my pain, confusion, shame, and heartbreak. As I sat up out of bed, I audibly heard the voice of God say, “Knock it off.” The fear of the Lord overtook me as I … Continue reading Ten Years to Hope
shailey ratliff 