October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Personally, it is also the month of our darkest loss and greatest breakthrough. This first week of October is always full of big emotions for me. Grieving my three heavenly babies, and yet celebrating my four I get to raise here. Remembering what we’ve been through at a cellular level continues to bring seasonal waves of grief. And that’s okay. I can carry the ambivalence of all my gratitude and grief side-by-side.
Yesterday, the topic of abortion came up in conversation with our two oldest children, ages ten and nine. I’ve mildly dreaded discussing this topic because our children remember two of our late miscarriages and how traumatic it was to have our babies die. I didn’t know how it would go for them to find out … Continue reading Explaining Abortion to My Kids
When my hair gets heavy enough that I’m getting headaches, I cut it. Otherwise, I let it grow because I love having it long. Last week, out of nowhere, the Lord gave me a vision of chopping my hair. It was clear, short, and the message was simple. I waited for a few hours to … Continue reading New Season, New Do 💇🏻♀️
Last night, my kids got to experience a right of passage most kids do, and few ever forget. They said goodbye to their beloved pet. Tiger died in my arms as Elle, Johnny, and Brett circled around us and spoke love, adoration, thanksgiving, and blessings over him. It was sacred, it was painful and it … Continue reading Tiger: Our Beautiful, Painful Sacred Goodbye
“What can you do today to make a change to stop mass shootings?” -K. Cheney Wednesday evening, as Brett and I met with our team of youth group volunteers, we were informed that 17 people had been shot and killed that afternoon at a Florida High School. We chatted about it quickly, prayed and headed … Continue reading Mass Shootings
Ten years ago today, I woke up hung over. I had been on a nearly forty day binge of drinking to numb my pain, confusion, shame, and heartbreak. As I sat up out of bed, I audibly heard the voice of God say, “Knock it off.” The fear of the Lord overtook me as I … Continue reading Ten Years to Hope
I've waited to post because I needed a moment to process the sanctity of yesterday. Six months ago our perfect rainbow baby was born and we thought we were closing the chapter of hardship we'd been in for 21 months. Ten days later, Esther's pediatrician found a heart murmur and sent us to see a … Continue reading Esther’s Heart
When we found out two years ago today that our fourth child, Timothy, had passed away, daffodils were in bloom everywhere. It was as if God was speaking to me about life in the midst of death. I cannot look at daffodils now without thinking of my three children in Heaven. Daffodils bloomed early this … Continue reading Don’t Deny Me
Whether you're concerned about the heart content or Biblical and Theological content, I encourage you to see the movie. Don't let fear win. 1 John 4:18
I grew up in a small redneck town in the Rocky Mountains. We had a large piece of land and lots of animals including horses, sheep and chickens. I have three brothers and was raised to hunt, fish, camp, and do all the same things the boys could do. I shot my first elk when … Continue reading Grit
shailey ratliff 